There are currently 6 blog posts in my drafts, with all of them between 0 and 250 words. I’ve even worked on three separate posts this week before starting this one. Generally, I know where they are headed and what I want to include, but my brain gets stuck. Sometimes, like a scratched up vinyl record, it will skip over the part that is too obscure to make out to something that it knows, but not before repeating the same phrase over and over, waiting for the connection to the next line. The separate moments make sense in my head, but heck, if I know how. Anytime I try to write the transitions, it’s muddy. I have to stop, I tell myself. I’m not feeling this right now. I’ll think about it in the back of my head while I work on other things.
Believe it or not, I stopped writing this to look up the symptoms of ADHD in girls. Just for fun, let’s see if any of them of fit:
Only if you count my completely made up scenarios and conversations in which I talk to imaginary versions of the people I know and wish I knew and we just naturally understand one another. Truly, the ideal version of conversation. Wait–
Currently, everything in my room has their pile and I will take time to put it all in its place. Later.
Highly sensitive to fabrics, noises, and emotions
Isn’t everybody particular about what material their t-shirt’s made out of? Like nobody can possibly be able to stand it whenever a shirt is super stiff or whenever it dries weird and gets all pilly.
Takes time to process information
Not me taking three months to figure out why I’ve have a certain coping mechanism that has worked for a year.
Shifting focus from one activity to another
Oh, shoot, I’ve got a blog post to write.
Sooner or later I’ll circle back around. My brain moves in figure-8s, cycling through computer tabs, word docs, and soundtracks. Right now it’s between this blog, my story, and my readings for the week. Am I actually accomplishing anything? Jury is still out on that one, but so far it’s a no from me.
My productivity fluctuates more than the weather in western Pennsylvania. Some days, I can manage to do the readings for all of my classes, and write all of my reflections and papers with time to spare. Other times, I feel like I’m dragging myself along. It’s enough work to get up in the morning and if anything suffers, it’s my creativity.
All that to say, that is why this blog is late. I promise to do better.
Who knows if I actually even have ADHD, but I’ve certainly thought about it long enough.